So I got another one of those off days because I have some kind of sickness that makes my head feel 10 pounds heavier and my muscles stiffen up. I wonder if this is how it feels before one spontaneously combusts. But anyhoo, this day off has left much needed time for reflection on my life goals, my spirituality and other general ish. Yeah, I think on my off days... what? I'm supposed to watch Tyra reruns all day or somethin'? I apparently blog too.
But yeah. I've recently come to the realization that I hate having bosses. Like, with a passion. I hate the micromanagement of it all, the imposed control of when to wake up, when to go home and when to eat, and of course the limited pay. After listening to several people who claim that the only way to financial freedom is through having your business, I have decided that I want to go into business for myself. No, I have no clue what I'm doing, but I do know what I want to go into business for. I think it's best that I keep that endeavor under wraps because I just disclosed my plans to my mother and received an underwhelming response :/. But I guess that's just how mothers are... they can't see the success in any career that isn't in medicine, law or academia until it actually shows up. So I am willing to pray, fast, and even come out of pocket for my dreams... who knows, God might actually think this is a great idea too.
I have also been thinking about marriage. For years now I have been so preoccupied with who my future husband will be that I don't even want to get married anymore. How did it get to this point? Well, after several disappointments and the observance of several failed marriages, I have come to the conclusion that marriage is a virtually wack concept. Now, there will be those who will argue that I feel this way because I haven't met "Mr. Right" yet, and they may be right. But as of now, I'm adopting Robert "Grandpa" Freeman's point of view and claiming, "I'm against marriage." As I spent time thinking about the pros and cons of marriage, I discovered that with a husband I have to split my time and money, move around the country if he gets a job that causes him to relocate, and also run the risk of spawning more people dependent on me. I got dreams, man, DREAMS... marriage seems ideal for settled people who don't count money as an issue. Now if there could be some kind of arrangement where I can have a perpetual boyfriend and have it viewed as acceptable in God's sight, that would be perfect. I mean, we wouldn't live together (which I think is a great idea), we wouldn't be all up in one another's personal space ALL THE TIME, and we could see each other only when we wanted to. The idea of coming home to some dude demanding dinner every night just doesn't seem OK to me. But hey, maybe with age comes wisdom, but I think that it's pretty wise for me right now to not rush into being in a relationship for the sake of being somebody's wife. I'm confident enough in myself to not need validation from a guy (man that sounds feminist...). It's also taken me some time to actualize my inner cuteness, and I like the fact that I can share my cuteness with the world and not have to conceal it because some guy is so insecure that he wants me to tone it down. Nawsuh!
With this reflection on marriage, I wondered if it was wrong for me to be against marriage. But Paul (a biblical prophet and one of Jesus' disciples) claimed in 1 Corinthians 7:1 that "it is good for a man not to marry" because marriage isn't for everyone. Hey, I might be one of those people! But enough talk about marriage. I've been thinking about other moral convictions. For example, just because I like to listen to secular music and I like to go out and party from time to time I set myself up for judgment. To be honest, there is some gospel rap out there that's dope, but it just doesn't appeal to me on the same level as say Lupe or Kanye or The Roots. Does this mean that God is not in me? I try my hardest to be pleasing in God's sight and there is nothing that I fear worst than disappointing my Lord and Savior. Yes, from time to time I struggle with lust and profanity amongst other things but I am trying. Also, judgment ensues whenever I converse with homosexuals and non-Christians. It says in the Bible that Jesus interacted with individuals such as these. If I'm condemned for showing love to another Child of God, then go ahead and condemn me. There are ways to hate the sin and love the sinner. But I digress, I think I'm starting to feel better so now I have to be productive.
I'll holla... PEACE
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